Compassion for You
Want to be the teammate or leader that leaves everyone in awe at your efficacy AND care? Me too!
It HAS to start with you. You have to be kind to yourself, even — no, ESPECIALLY — in private. Think of this as a base/abstract class that all your other classes need to inherit from: CSelfCompassion <— COthersCompassion
Try these exercises at least once a day:
1 - Listen to your body.
It has a lot to say and I usually tried to ignore mine. The longer you ignore it, the more “vocal” it gets! When it says “that ankle hurts” or “my heart is so sad”, these are important messages. If you have physical symptoms from emotional pain, notice where the pain manifests in your body. Then try this:
2 - Observe, don’t condone, don’t fix.
This is extremely important to me. Notice what’s taking place in your body and note it. Write it down, say it out loud, think it, whatever floats your goat. But — and here’s the key — remember observing does not mean you are okay with it. Accept it, don’t condone it. I have to accept the fact I have the flu when I get it, but that doesn’t mean I like it!
And don’t try to push it away. I mean, you will try, just like me, because we don’t like ‘bad’ stuff. Totally normal, but think about it — how many times have you thought your way out of pain, whether physical, mental, or emotional? Just watch it, say “hi” to it, let it be. Eventually it will fade by itself, like leaves in autumn, a spent bloom, as all things do.
3 - Let judgment fall away.
Don’t like what you see/hear inside? Is it frightening? Depressing? Does it make you too happy (e.g. manic)? Note how it makes you feel and let it be. Don’t critique it, we have enough of that in our lives. I practice this every year when it snows. I don’t like the snow, but I try to see it as snow, and let it be. Hating it or despising it doesn’t change anything except make me feel worse.
4 - Be magnificently large!
No, I don’t mean eat 5000 calories a day and binge Netflix. In Song of Myself, 51, Walt Whitman wrote
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then, I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes)
Bob Dylan made a song about it too.
We get stuck in our head thinking are “this kind of person” or “never that kind of person”, when really, we are so many. When you accept your challenges, judgment free, you can gently acknowledge this too is “you.”
When I get angry about something, I used to say “I’m so angry!!!” I’ve changed my language to “I feel anger arising". Maybe I’ll write about this later, but the point is I can be angry and still enjoy family time, get work done, and so on. I’m not one thing, I contain multitudes.
5 - GOTO 1
This is a process, not a fix. You are both the work of art and the artist — never done, and that is perfectly okay.
Summary
There is much more to say about this, but these steps can get you well on your way to opening your heart to yourself and shining the light inward. This is the first step to being compassionate to others.
