“Difficult” Peers

Here we go. Now you have to deal with someone else at work or the store maybe. That difficult coworker who rubs you the wrong way yet has knowledge you need, help you must have, or time you need to take. Time to crack the knuckles and get to it. HOW WILL I SURVIVE THIS?

1 - Ask for their help or opinion.

Even if you don’t want it, asking someone for their help is a great intro. Most people want to be helpful — being of service and use to another human being makes me feel really good, like I momentarily have an easily-defined purpose! You need my help! You want to hear what I have to say about something? Gladly!

2 - State clearly and unambiguously what you need.

Bring as much information as you can with you. Don’t dump it on them unless it’s brief, help them find the answer if you have a link to a wiki or website, etc. Save them from digging if you can. Be specific and crisp in your language choice. Efficiency is key to making someone feel like you value their already-very-busy schedule. They may feel more respected and inclined to assist fully.

3 - Listen deeply.

This is a separate topic alone, but deep listening involves listening without expectation and with the goal of getting as close as you can to truly understanding the other person’s points. No distractions, no focus on appearances, just listen.

4 - Let them empty out.

Resist the urge to cut them off, even if you want to agree or show support. If that person needs to get something ‘out there’, give them plenty of space to do so, even if it means there is no time for you to respond. For me, this is DIFFICULT. Remember that most often, people don’t want a ‘fix’, they want to be truly heard. It’s not about the nail.

5 - Talk after they empty.

In most cases, I recommend waiting until they seem to be done. Sometimes this won’t make sense, but the goal is to make someone feel seen, noticed, heard — they matter to you. Only then, chime in with your perspective.