Quick Bite: I had a panic attack?
Trigger warning!
In this post I discuss my encounter with a possible panic attack and recall my symptoms and struggles. Please do not read this post if you are not in a safe place, prone to panic attacks, have strong empathic tendencies, and so on.
Mental Health Crisis Hotline
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis,
call or text ‘988’ on your cell phone
(veterans can press ‘1’ afterwards for immediate help).
Around the end of summer 2024, I found myself surrounded by a lot of tragedy and loss, some of which included me personally. At one point I was in a large company meeting when my 19-year old son called me and told me he thought we had to put his beloved cat down, and he was devastated. I set up a vet appointment, and soon had to sit down because something suddenly went wrong with me.
Chest pain, racing heartbeat, short breath, eyes pulsing, dizziness. I was told I was probably having a panic attack.
Myth: Smart / Resourceful people don’t have panic attacks
That’s what I thought, I couldn’t believe it was happening anyway. I couldn’t get a ‘diagnosis’ since I was at work, but wow the symptoms sure lined up. Granted, the internet also said it could be rickets or something, but the possibility of a panic attack was enough.
Was I just not as resourceful as I thought I was? Or not smart? I knew that wasn’t really the right thing to focus on, instead choosing to focus on my current situation.
Disclaimer: I am not a trained/licensed therapist, psychologist, etc.
This post is NOT a substitute for professional therapy and care.
I’m sharing how I triaged the moment. If I couldn’t get back under control, the hotline or hospital was my next option 100%.
I strongly urge panic attack sufferers to see your physician, therapist, psychiatrist, etc. Get that help now because there are some things we can’t/shouldn’t do alone.
Triage Step 0: Notify someone
I felt telling someone I trust was critical so they could check on me in case I somehow got worse. Like in the old action flicks when I’d yell at the cops onscreen to call for backup before going into that dilapidated building.
Triage Step 1: Isolate myself - Steep in Silence
The first thing I did was find a quiet place. My office has a door, but I could have used my car as well, or bathroom, etc. I knew I needed someplace quiet.
Triage Step 2: Breathe for 2-3 Minutes
I started with slow, long, but natural breaths. First from my abdomen/belly — I took a long, slow inhale into my belly so it stuck out like Santa Claus. Don’t force the air in there, let it come in. Then, I let the air fall out naturally when I exhaled. I didn’t force the air out nor restrain the release, I let the exhale happen naturally. My eyes alternated between being open and closed, I didn’t do anything special.
Triage Step 3: Identify the physical pain
When I got the courage, I closed my eyes and started mentally calling out my physical pain.
It’s in the middle of my chest, above the sternum. A dull throb, sometimes more. Pressure, enough to alter my breathing without impairing it severely.
The front of my upper arms where the arm meets the shoulder and chest. Warmth, burning, some surging.
Top of my head, a slight pulsing.
My heart beating fast, I could sometimes feel it in my eyes or hear my eardrums throb in rhythm.
I labeled it all, identified it, acknowledged it was there. It was a little scary, but I found that seeing it actually made it less scary.
Triage Step 4: Targeted Breathing
Since my chest was tight, I noticed my breath ONLY going into my abdomen, I took some deep breaths into the upper part of my chest to stretch that tightness out. That hurt at first, but got better quickly.
Like stretching a neglected muscle, relief in that area of my body was fast, and welcome.
Triage Step 5: Watch and Wait
This was the hardest part, but the part that got me through the worst of it. After making my chest feel better, all I could do was watch everything else.
You know when you’re at a pool, beach, bathtub washing your kid, you get splashed and get wet? No matter how soaked you get, you’re dry now, right?
Emotions are similar. The worst ones will drench you, but eventually fade and you “dry off”. Maybe something lingers, but the intensity always dissipates. Sadly, with emotions, there really isn’t an equivalent to a towel or hair dryer, so my analogy falls apart here, but I think you get the gist.
So I just kept an eye on things as I sat silently in my office and waited. I reminded myself that I’m human, and this probably triggered because I’m somehow protecting myself with this panic attack.
Triage Step 6: Recovery and Therapy
After 25 minutes, I felt like I could function at work in a meaningful way, and I was right. But I followed up with my mentor and separately a new therapist. This has been, thankfully, very helpful to me, but I know others’ struggles can be so much worse, so that professional help is critical.
Mental Health Crisis Hotline
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis,
call or text ‘988’ on your cell phone
(veterans can press ‘1’ afterwards for immediate help).
Self care is great, and getting professional help is a part of that. Take GOOD care of yourself so that maybe one day I can meet you and shake your hand.
