Practice: Hear Their Stories
My teacher/mentor told me to encourage people to “get everything out as much as possible” in a conversation, before I decide to chime in with my stories/opinions. The latter half of that isn't the point, let's focus on the first point.
How do I encourage people to keep sharing? These are my words, you can use them or change them to fit your style, of course!
Oh, and be genuine. If you aren't genuine, people will know immediately.
Be Curious.
This is number 1. If you aren't genuinely curious with these questions here, your counterpart will immediately know. Find reasons to be curious: you want to learn, you want to hear their perspectives, etc.
“I don't know what that is, (topic here). Can you say more about that?”
It is never bad to confess what you don't know. With this, you say many things at once:
I don't know about this
I want to hear what you have to say about it
I want your help learning because I think you know what you're talking about about
“There's a lot in what you just said. Can we dig into specifics and you help unpack them?”
“Unpack” is a pretty overused word these days, but I still use it sometimes.
It's a signal that you are listening, interested in what they are talking about, and you want to hear more.
Ask a very specific question(s) here and ask them to tell you more about it.
Other Quick Mentions
“That sounds really intense. Am I right about that? How did you handle it?”
“Looking back, how do you feel about that (event)?”
“What else do you have in there you want to get out?”
“What other thoughts came up while we were talking?”
But They Don't Like Talking About Themselves…
Hopefully you notice a subtle theme in my statements, that I'm encouraging people to share their opinions and perspectives in a way that is safe for them to be fully themselves.
Never push someone to share when they clearly are done sharing, unless you are a professional therapist etc and have way more skills than I do!
I'm not implying my opinions, preferences, nor do I project my own “things”. For example, “how mad did that make you? Oh man I would've lost it.” There I am projecting by saying “you should have been angry because I would have been”. Many people will stop sharing there or agree because they want to align with you or avoid argument because they're human and social creatures, just like you.
Summary
I hope some of these ideas help you encourage conversation from your counterpart. There is tremendous value in encouraging others to speak fully and freely
